star souls
by grace lapointe
Summary: I am a monster I'm not supposed to walk this earth and many have sacrificed themselves for the idea of power its hard to live with yourself when you know most are dead because of you it's not possible to feel anything when all you've been taught is pain and hate i know what they want me to do but can i do it will they destroy me or will i succumb to them first
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

**i gripped the edge of the bed i could hear my father sharpening his **

**instruments when he stopped cold fear gripped my heart and i **

**whimpered this was the part that almost made me go insane the dull **

**scent of blood and steel the excruciating pain i felt him press his cold **

**hands as he kneaded my shoulder blades forcing them into a relaxed **

**state then he took the knife tracing the constellations of silver ink **

**across my back then the pressure was released and i heard him walk to**

**the bedside table and grab the cup of clear misty liquid i knew was **

**stored there then i was wrenched upwards to my fathers his **

**calm sinister gray eyes shock of white hair and angular face he forced **

**the drink past my teeth with a rough shove i accepted the liquid and **

**faked a swallow holding the little bit of liquid beneath my tongue there **

**was a time when i **

**had welcomed it the pain reliever it made you forget but the hard truth i **

**had learned was better than a soft lie and i would here him muttering **

**things and in the morning when i knew i had forgotten those words **

**uttered from his cold lips it would make me crazy knowing if i could **

**only remember i snap back to reality as I'm shoved back down i slowly **

**spit the liquid into the pillow so he doesn't notice then i feel it the **

**blinding pain it takes all my concentration i have to pretend i don't feel **

**it but its so hard silent tears escape my eye as my father knifes the **

**constellations out of my back and then blackness i feel **

**nothing i can't help the darkness **


	2. Chapter 2

p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongCHAPTER 2/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi walk along the wharf all thoughts from last nights buried in the back of /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy head i couldn't think of them now or i was likely to /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongstrangle someone on sight i see traders selling roman rugs and the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggossip of the town apparently Duke Bentworth was caught with a farm /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggirl who was half his age it is quite the scandal/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe blue of the sky is a lively color the fall breeze twists the pale grass /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronginto tumbled shapes a group of young women are braiding rushes into /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbaskets so the men can carry there fish i notice the butchery with a /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfresh load of chickens and pigs lavender and honeysuckle bunches /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghang from the overhanging rush roof to ward off the smell of death and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi almost fall over a cart of/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong sheep while looking at the butchery i apologize profusely to the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsheep boy who's hair is a mess of twigs then carry on my way i/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongturn a bend and come to the apothecary where/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma Iris works she is a lovely lady with a warm smile and the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsmell /strongstrongof peaches following her i knock quickly on the door and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe /strongstronglittle lady opened come in dearest her hair a halo of white around /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongher head she said you are just in time /strongstrongI'm working /strongstrongon a/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong new perfume i want you to try we walked into the room then into an /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongadjoining kitchen which was twice the size of the whole house and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcontained all manner of herbs and spices medicines and even some /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpoisons which odd as it was could be used as medicine also/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma which was what the little woman insisted i call her had /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbeen my only real mother figure and had said often that if i wasn't /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronga noble that i'd have made an excellent healer my nose twitched /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhen the breeze flew through the big round window at the end of the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongroom mingling the smell of roses and cinnamon flitting across my nose/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi let out a sigh it was pure heaven Grandma walks over to a pot which /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwas promptly about to bubble over Grandma rushed over to the pot and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi promptly followed laughing at her fumbling i grab the pot /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongignoring my searing skin and set it on the counter grandma rushed up /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongatlanta my dear don't do that just because you can't feel the pain /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdoesn't mean you body won't be harmed i sigh i can't feel any pain/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbecause all my nerve endings are practically dead and thats kind of /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggood kind of bad one thing thats bad is i don't understand when other /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpeople feel pain so I'm a little rough with my sisters and brother/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbut it also means i can do things others can't but i sometimes end up /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghurting myself but not feeling it i sigh snapped back to reality by /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghanding me a cup of honey milk and the bottle of sweet smelling /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongperfume of lavender and cloves it makes you believe your/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong in a garden i must have the funniest look on my face because /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggrandma looks to be almost bubbling with laughter its amazing/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong i reassure her/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi stayed with grandma for a few hours then i had wandered slowly back /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongto the castle enjoying the notes of cinnamon and apples in the air and i /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongknew the fall festival would be here in a few days and i was excited but /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhat excited me more was the fact that it was the night of the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongunspeakable the constellation ripping and because it is an all night /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthing i /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwould for one night have my soul intact the thought is breathtaking a /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronglittle voice inside of me says that it isn't worth it its one night it will just /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmake the loss more horrific but i squished the little voice inside me and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthought of happier things when i was younger i had dreamed of a /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghandsome prince with white hair and eyes that looked like the blue /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongglass windows in the church but as i had gotten older i knew no man /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwould love me a girl with the scars of my constellations forever on her/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongback and silver hair not white like my family but an ugly platinum deep /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdown i knew one reason my father kept me was because i looked exotic /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand that hurt i had always hoped Marianna his third wife might show me /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronga little compassion but she was to busy being the perfect trophy wife to /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthink of me or even my siblings that was what grandma was for i shook /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy head and continued towards home the skys turn a deep purple and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe stars start to come out my mother always told me we are all a star /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand that our stories are written but not with a pen so we can learn to /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongerase parts and rewrite others are lives are chosen for us but we get /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongchose how we live them i was calm and comforted by the thoughts an/strongstrongd /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwalked along the breezy shore to the castle of mirrors the outside /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongreflected everyone and everything around it so it almost wasn't there /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongexcept that it was the inside wasn't reflective but the outside most /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcertainly was i walk up to the black gates the guards don't look at me /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongonly open the gates in this land of beauty few deserved to behold it i /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwalk up to my room the inside walls of the castle were not reflective /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthey looked like polished white marble with shocks of black running /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthrough the walls were alive the black and white twining in together in a /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmelancholy dance i always thought that if the majority of people were /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpure and beautiful then there must be others who aren't i was probably /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongone of the black streaks the darkened ones i shook my head enough /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongself pity and continued up to my room the moon was going to be /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbreaching the suns heavenly domain soon and i wanted to try /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsomething what if father couldn't find me i had been taking art and had /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbeen saving my black and white paint what if i chose a corner of my /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongroom and hid smearing the paint over me it was a thought but the paint /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongon the walls moved if i was one of the mystics i could draw opun /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongheavenly power but i wasn't so i simply waited till i was called to dinner/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdressing in a pale purple dress accenting my exotic lavender eyes /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhich is of course what father wanted i had once stumbled into a bar /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand seen the exotic inappropriate dancers i realized then that i was the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsame thing i would sing dance play piano and tell legends and tales it /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongjust so happens i do not take my clothes off i shudder at the thought /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthough we are royalty about the only good thing was that today was a /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongholiday honoring the birth of magic the festivities that followed after /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwere legendary and talked about for the rest of the year but today the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongservants were not working so i had to do my dressing myself i quickly /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpinned a few crystal and purple feathers darkening my silver hair that /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongusually reflected the sky so with the moving ceilings was i must admit /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongan enchanting sight i leave my hair in a simple braid my dress an /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronginappropriate thing was slit up to mid thigh on both sides and held by /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsilver chains was my fathers favorite and i usually wore it if i wanted to /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongeven hope he would leave me alone for a night i planned on playing the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongharp for our guests tonight i knew it was a favorite among them and me /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi slipped on a pair of shoes and quietly walked towards the door as i /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongneared it my brother Tomac stepped out i almost fell but regained my /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbalance quickly smiling at him he frowned oddly at me i remembered /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhen Tomac would have hugged me and told me it was alright although /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghe wasn't my real brother i was adopted when the kings second wife /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongLarkiea who was a flustered forgetful lady took pity on my begging in /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthe streets i was taken into the house hold i met Tomac and soon after /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongLarkiea died and our father king Canin married marianna and Faelin my /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongonly real friend was born she was six years younger than me but she /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwas fathers favorite and was usually attending some party but i loved /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongher for a few years everything was fine i only ever needed a servant to /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdo my hair i bathed and dressed by my self one day though /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongMarianna had a few old friends coming over and wanted to show me off /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongso she had her maid wash and dress me as she pounded the soap into /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy skin and she noticed the constellations through the soap she /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongscreamed what are those things i just shrugged she was backed /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongagainst the door and i was sitting in a tin bathtub they're moving she /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmurmured i nodded i was born with them she looks at me funny then /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcontinues bathing me careful not to touch my back the she skillfully cut /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongmy long hair taking off the ragged edges till it lay hanging to just /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongabove my bum then she curled it slightly into waves braiding it /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongintricately above my back taking black pearls and twisting them into it /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongtill i stood there in a skimpy dress silver flute in hand and signaled her /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdismissal she scurried out of the room i went down bowed to /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongMarianna's chattering friends all in exotic dresses i sat quietly while /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthey ate with Faelin and Tomac until she introduced us and showed off /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongare attributes she of course had to show off to the lady's and they /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongpractically swooned at Tomac's fighting and diplomatic skills they /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronggiggled and cooed at faelin's embroidery then i stepped up flute in hand /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand played as i wound the notes into a cheery melody i felt a dark /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfeeling then i saw out in the doorway father and mothers maid talking /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongin whispered voices and making elaborate hand gestures and the hair /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongon the back of my kneck stood up i continued playing watching as they /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongparted ways later that night i was sitting at my mirror brushing my hair /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhen a knock came to the door come in i call i see my fathers tall /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongslender form slither its way through the doorway he stands menacingly /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongbehind me he walks up behind me in my small eight year old form i am /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongtrembling goosebumps blaze a trail up and down my arms father comes /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongup and puts his hand on the small of my back feel him trace the slightly /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwarm pulsing lines of my constellations Atlanta he murmurs his mouth /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronglined with malice i shiver i barely come up to his chest and i don't think /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongi will be able to stop whatever he feels he needs to do/strongstrong the thought /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongscares me and i give in to whatever may soon happen father turns me /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongaround till I'm facing him he looks into me and dark foreboding fills me/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong he sneers at my frightened expression then starts talking you know /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhat you have on your back right i nod he continues do you know what /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthey do i shake my head slowly good he murmurs then slips his hand /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronginto his pocket and reveals a dark lump at my inquiring look he smiles /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand whispers would you like to know what it is little sparrow i nod he /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsmirks its a cat-o-nine tails whip his eyes darken as he pronounces the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwords i shiver he looks at me and his voice rings out with command lay /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdown i don't know why but i do laying prostrate and vulnerable on the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongcool tile floor he slowly rubs his knuckles into my spine relaxing me /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthen a small crack fills the air and the bite of the whip stings my flesh /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongthis happens four more times till i have five long slashes running /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdiagonally across my back this was before the misty forgetful /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsubstance he later brought in and stopped using the whip because the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsilver left scars in my back and of course we could not ruin my pretty /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfigure for when i would turn eighteen i would be shipped off to the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"stronghighest bidder and wed off to some pig i grimace my father was feared /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongin all the common lands and was the only ruler who still worshiped the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdemon gods i shrug out of need for something to do and take Tomac's /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongarm walking lightly down the stairs into a circular room with a glass /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongtable there are a handful of guests dukes and young lords ladies and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongduchesses /strongstrongmost of the men were focused on Faelin so i had no trouble /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfitting in dinner passed with a fury of toasts and warm wishes the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongguests were filed into the parlor and Faelin showed off her embroidery /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongwhile i played on the piano a beautiful sonata that swept around the /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongroom and danced in the arches of the dome roof people looked /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongsurprised and faelin looked none to happy about the focus of attention /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongdrifting off her Tomac ended with a speech from the bramble wood war /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongand the guests left i weaved my way up to my room undid my dress and /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strongfell into a dark easy sleep/strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;" /p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong /strong/p  
p style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"strong /strong/p 


End file.
